THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF THE CROCHET-BASED ECONOMY

What, you may ask, is a ‘crochet-based’ economy? The pillars of this economic system are: PAS, YAS, HAS, and Rubbermaid.

PAS = pattern acquisition syndrome

YAS = yarn acquisition sydrome – includes thread

HAS = hook acquisition syndrome

Are these mere syndromes or are they obsessions? Either way, they are the foundation of the crochet-based economy. Without crocheters, this entire economy would fail. Despite what the stock exchange may lead you to believe, much of the Western World is dependent on crocheters for its continued existence. How does this work? Well…..

I shop at thrift stores a lot, so if I run across a bag of hooks, I buy them. Even if I already own every size in the bag. If I find a stack of crochet magazines, I buy them. If I already own them, for about 25 cents each, I can share with my crochet friends. And yarn – well, any and all yarn found at the thrift store or on a good sale anywhere will find a good home with me. Not that all my goodies come from the thrift store.

I am a devotee of my LYS (Hearthstone Knits) and Hobby Lobby – which made a wise corporate decision to open a store within walking distance of my home. I make it a habit to cut out or print off those 40% coupons. Heck, I feel it is MY CIVIC DUTY to use them. Why pass up a 40% off coupon when I know I’m going to ‘need’ that yarn or thread soon. And, my Frequent Fibers Card gets a good monthly workout. There is always good yarn looking for a home. We can’t let it go unadopted, can we?

Your basic Rubbermaid container.

Of course, all these skeins of yarn, magazines, hooks, and books create another need – storage containers and book shelves. This creates an insatiable need for Rubbermaid. I fully believe they would go bankrupt without crocheters and our stashes. And, the book shelf concession at my local home supply store would go under without the support of my crochet books – rather they support my crochet books. Whatever. You get the idea.

A 20th century example of lightweight storage.

Which, of course, naturally leads to: what to do with all the finished crochet projects? Well, they need to be stored (see, Rubbermaid again) until they are given away or sold. Usually given away. To charities and to friends and loved ones for those special occasions when nothing says ‘I love you’ like a hand made gift. Of course, should you sell something, you must instantly plow that money back into the crochet economy by buying more stuff for your stash. I believe there’s a law about that. That law also applies to:

commission checks

birthday, anniversary, and graduation checks

tax refunds

broken piggy banks.

There are few exceptions. This is a test: Can you name any exceptions??

As crocheters, we know that anything that can be wrapped around a hook is fair game for crochet. What other artform can say that? There are even people who crochet with spaghetti. Poor souls. We need to donate some yarn to them. That way, we clear room in our stash containers (read Rubbermaid) for more yarn.

And, the whole hook thing. Why do we need more than one hook in each size? So we can leave the hook with the project we abandoned to start the next one that caught our fancy. We’ll get back to it. We always do. It just takes about seven years some days. But, if all else fails, we can frog the yarn, put the hook away for future reference, and buy another book to find just the right pattern for that yarn we frogged. (I’m SURE Rubbermaid also makes hook storage containers .)

Are these Rubbermaid hook holders? You decide.

Of course, when we are being especially frugal, we go online to find great crochet patterns for free. Then, we print them out and store them in discreet three ring binders (Does Rubbermaid make three ring binders??I’ll have to check.). Til we have 17 binders lined up next to the books and magazines. We all know, there is no such thing as too many patterns. Which keeps the printer and ink people able to put food on their tables.

Now, some crocheters have complained about Covert Homeland Spying. They feel the need to store new purchases in the trunks of their cars until Uncle Sam’s secret agent (read spouse) is asleep or at work so that the precious commodities can be moved to a more suitable storage facility (there’s that Rubbermaid again). Rubbermaid – where would THEY be without US?

Common storage place (under bed) to foil Covert Homeland Spying.

It should be pointed out that there are a few scofflaws out there. They are the crocheters who buy only enough yarn (or thread) for their current project. They buy only one book a year, subscribe to only one magazine, and own only one hook in each size…….. And, most important, they work on only one project at a time, completing that project before embarking on a new one. These people are traitors to our cause and may well cause some sort of crochet recession. They don’t need Rubbermaid. Shun them!

So, you get the idea. You, out there. You, crocheter person. You are a PILLAR OF SOCIETY. Without you, the economy would founder. Coats and Clark would sputter and fall. Hobby Lobby would be sucked into a black hole of insolvency. It all goes back to Rubbermaid.

Disclaimer: I don’t know if all the images above are actual Rubbermaid products. However, they are examples of Rubbermaid-inspired storage. As one might expect, hard data is not always available to us poor crochet schnucks.