U.S. DEPARTMENT OF CROCHET

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF CROCHET

I hereby announce the opening of the U.S. Department of Crochet – and I am its Secretary.  This is a high Cabinet position because I need more place to store my yarn.  There are many line items to be discussed in our upcoming meetings, including coordination with the Departments of Finance, Interior, Homeland Security, and Defense.

The next official meeting will have these items on the Agenda:

Finance – Far more money needs to be appropriated to this very important part of U.S. culture.  We must prioritize!  Since gaining our independence from our European forebears, we have done precious little to further this agenda.  Active solutions are being sought.

Interior – The Bureau of Land Management and the Department of Parks and Recreation will be asked for their input in this matter.  We have an urgent need for more storage capacity to maintain the World supply of yarn and other crochet-related supplies.  We are looking for sustainable solutions.  To that end, more of the U.S. natural resources needs to be geared toward yarn production – cotton, corn, and wool are especially important.  Since we are not a bamboo-producing nation, we must send an official Ambassador to the appropriate nations to ensure a steady supply of bamboo yarn.  Further, international relations with India and other silk-producing nations will be reinforced with proper incentivization.

Homeland Security – Is our yarn safe?  Are our hooks properly secured?  How will these precious resources be maintained despite our recent economic downturn?

Defense – It has been brought to the attention of this Secretary that there are many citizens who appear to oppose the appropriation of more U.S. Dollars to protect, secure, and increase the valuable stashes of yarn, patterns, hooks, and similar materials.  The Department of Defense must take a proactive stance in this area.  This is an issue that crosses all party lines (especially the favored Stitch ‘n Bitch Party), all ages (especially the young and hip), and all socioeconomic strata (especially those in need of more crochet-related resources – and isn’t that all of us?).

It is the job of the Department of Crochet is to assure that the Fabric of American life not Unravel under the pressure of those who seek to undermine the integrity of our arts.  In order to form a more perfect union (by whatever joining method you prefer), it is hereby ordered that all concerned Citizens join in their patriotic duty to further these worth goals.

Your Comments are appreciated.  Please post them proudly below – for All to See!  Meeting Adjourned.

Comments

  1. says

    I love this. It is about time this Department was created. If any futher openings become available, I’d like to put apply for the position. I assume the salary is paid by the skein.

  2. says

    Oh I want in on this committee! Too cool! LOVE IT!!! and I wholeheartedly agree! But we need a Press Secretary devoted to upcoming events! GIGGLE

  3. Maija Bowens says

    I would like to nominate myself or any available position! I will agree to being paid by the skein. I will also agree to no pay raises for the next 10 years, and will be willing to donate to the great people of this nation :)

  4. Anne says

    Awesome….but you forgot to include the Department of Education. We MUST include fibre arts training in school.

    :0)

  5. says

    I usually don’t get involved in political groups, but this is one I believe in! I volunteer to be the clean-up crew. You can be assured that with me on the job there will be no stray hooks, skeins, or balls of yarns left behind in your meeting rooms. And you would never need a Lost and Found department because once I’ve picked the “litter” up, I will have “found” it. I’ll work for nothing but will not be opposed to an occassional bonus of a skein or two for a job well done.

  6. says

    I would love to have this department in Australia, too. Surely we can stretch the budget that far. Perhaps our new carbon tax can assist, as crocheters use blankets to keep warm instead of heaters, so we are very environmentally friendly.

  7. Letha in Iowa says

    I LOVE IT! I’d like to volunteer for the position of Guardian of the Stash. My only request is that I be paid in leftovers. I love doing stash buster projects!

  8. ronnieT says

    Don’t forget about yarnbombing or the artistic endeavors. Also, the bureau of adjustments to patterns, the department of toys, creatures, and what-nots.

  9. Bonnie says

    I would love to have a position with this polical party. Count me in for whatever needs to be done.

    Bonnie in St Louis

  10. says

    Kat,
    Clearly you are the perfect person to represent Australia as a Foreign Diplomat from Australia. You’ll have to convince your Government to create an appropriate Department or Ministry. Please keep us informed.
    jd

  11. Linda says

    what a great thing…women see things in a truer sense…with sense, period…I want to sign on…

  12. MarissaFH says

    OOhh!! me! me! hmmmm… I can do the yarn inventory! I’ll catalogue and categorize each one and take pictures too! or maybe the public relations and advertising!

  13. Stephanie Deese says

    JD–Wonderful–GAVE ME A BIG SMILE! I’m printing this to take to my crocheting & knitting group on Monday–I know they will appreciate it too! THANKS!!

  14. Yvonne says

    Politics usually make me shudder! But, I would also love to be part of this committee. And being paid in skeins!!!! What could be better!
    Sign me up!

  15. lee ann beausejour says

    I am perfectly placed (being in DC) to head this department. Thereby saving$$ in travel costs to our citizenry. (Don’t I sound political;)) I want on board too!!!!

  16. says

    I will be the Clean-Up Department. Whatever’s left after a meeting will be taken away and used as appropriate. A bag for snippets, another bag for forgotten utensils, etc.

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