I hereby announce the opening of the U.S. Department of Crochet – and I am its Secretary. This is a high Cabinet position because I need more place to store my yarn. There are many line items to be discussed in our upcoming meetings, including coordination with the Departments of Finance, Interior, Homeland Security, and Defense.
The next official meeting will have these items on the Agenda:
Finance – Far more money needs to be appropriated to this very important part of U.S. culture. We must prioritize! Since gaining our independence from our European forebears, we have done precious little to further this agenda. Active solutions are being sought.
Interior – The Bureau of Land Management and the Department of Parks and Recreation will be asked for their input in this matter. We have an urgent need for more storage capacity to maintain the World supply of yarn and other crochet-related supplies. We are looking for sustainable solutions. To that end, more of the U.S. natural resources needs to be geared toward yarn production – cotton, corn, and wool are especially important. Since we are not a bamboo-producing nation, we must send an official Ambassador to the appropriate nations to ensure a steady supply of bamboo yarn. Further, international relations with India and other silk-producing nations will be reinforced with proper incentivization.
Homeland Security – Is our yarn safe? Are our hooks properly secured? How will these precious resources be maintained despite our recent economic downturn?
Defense – It has been brought to the attention of this Secretary that there are many citizens who appear to oppose the appropriation of more U.S. Dollars to protect, secure, and increase the valuable stashes of yarn, patterns, hooks, and similar materials. The Department of Defense must take a proactive stance in this area. This is an issue that crosses all party lines (especially the favored Stitch ‘n Bitch Party), all ages (especially the young and hip), and all socioeconomic strata (especially those in need of more crochet-related resources – and isn’t that all of us?).
It is the job of the Department of Crochet is to assure that the Fabric of American life not Unravel under the pressure of those who seek to undermine the integrity of our arts. In order to form a more perfect union (by whatever joining method you prefer), it is hereby ordered that all concerned Citizens join in their patriotic duty to further these worth goals.
Your Comments are appreciated. Please post them proudly below – for All to See! Meeting Adjourned.
By jd wolfe